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| Funny - Where Old Threads and Topics Go To Die! - Archives - RNWforum.com | |||||||||||||||
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ponitail Member 
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My mom decided this past weekend that she wanted my dad to take her out. So she said to him, " Honey let's get dressed up and go somewhere expensive." So here she is dressed nicely and my dad dressed in nice slacks and shirt. They are in the car driving when he pulls into the BP Station. Mom says, "why are we here the tank is full!" Dad says, "well honey you said you wanted to go somewhere expensive!" 
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WyattEarp32 Member 
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LOL, it is soooo true. Who ever thought that going to the movies could be cheaper than going to the gas station!
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Rdnckgirl1973 Moderator 
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LOLOLOL!!!! I hope they got a hot dog too!!!
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FRL88 Member 
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Zoning for the Ark And the Lord saith unto Noah, "Where is the ark which I commanded thee to build?" And Noah replied, "Behold, when I journeyed to the Jordan County Planning and Zoning office for a permit, verily they railed against me and said, "Thy property art not zoned for an ark thirty cubits high. Thou wouldst require a 1040 review, environmental impact studies and a public hearing for a variance..." "And behold, when I toldest them it would be a temporary usage, they asked where I wast going with a three-storied ark? I explaineth to them about the flood, the waters from the great deep and the flood-gates of the sky. And behold, they wentest berserk and ranted about water rights and minimum stream flow regulations and flood plain studies. I barely escaped with my life. "And another thing, oh Lord, my lot is zoned for a single-family dwelling, and Thou hath planned ark condos for even my three sons and their wives. That wouldst be a multifamily development. "That remindeth me, oh Lord, last week at the homeowners' meeting, I mentioned the animals. They reminded me of the covenants. Feeling a little defensive, I gave them your requisition list... lions, elephants, rhinos, alligators, chickens, monkeys, two by two, and fowls of the air, seven by seven. Behold, Lord, they completely lost their sense of humor and sought to smite me. But I shall work on it. Couldst Thou please assign a bodyguard?" And the Lord saith, "Noah, faithful servant, do thy best...I shall take care of you. But I needeth the ark completed in two fortnights. Do not fail!" Noah answered and said, "It shall be so." But it wast not so. And the Lord saith, "Noah, wherefore is the ark?" And Noah saith, "Lord, behold, the building department hath been giving me fits. Thou didst specify gopherwood beams on one cubit centers on the second level. Code requireth that gopherwood beams be placed on half cubit centers on that level to give adequate bearing strength for the elephants, hippos and rhinos. When I left, they were calling Planning and Zoning, asking about zoning for a zoo or circus. Lord, I thinkest that we are in trouble with the animals. "And Lord, The plan checker wentest into a fit and did gnash his teeth when he saw that the plans calleth for only one door on the whole building. He declareth that a structure of this size requireth two exits on each level." And the Lord saith, "Noah, my schedule doth call for the ark to be completed before Christmas. Work thou very hard!" And Noah answered, "Christmas? What's Christmas?" "In by Christmastime! It's just an expression used in the building trade. It doesn't mean a thing." And Noah answered, "Verily, it shall be done." But behold, it was not done. And the Lord saith, "Noah, the ark is not ready." And Noah answered, "Verily, I have had three carpenters off ill and last Monday was a holiday. And the fowls of the air Thou ordered by sevens are now sold only in half-dozen lots." Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying "Oh Lord, I am undone." And the Lord replieth with compassion, "Take heart, Noah. Now thou understandeth why I have called for a flood to descend upon the earth." I thought this was funny!
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FRL88 Member
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dadgum double post!!!! Last edited on Tue Jun 3rd, 2008 03:08 am by FRL88 |
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sadlerford Member 
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FRL, I LOVE your avatar now. Curly was the best Stooge.
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FRL88 Member
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sadlerford wrote: FRL, I LOVE your avatar now. Curly was the best Stooge. Nyuk...Nyuk...Nyuk..........LOL. glad to oblige. Attachment: 130-230~The-Three-Stooges-Posters.jpg (Downloaded 97 times)
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sadlerford Member
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All I want to know now is do you look like him!
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RisinOutlaw58 Member 
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Yes , He does, and is about as goofy.
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FRL88 Member
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Whoa there, do I know you? I don't look like him...this is the real me..... Attachment: thumbMoeHoward.jpg (Downloaded 90 times) Last edited on Wed Jun 4th, 2008 01:08 am by FRL88 |
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WyattEarp32 Member
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Ya know Fredy, Moe Howard does look like you. Are ya'll distantly kin?
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sadlerford Member
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As long as you don't look like Shemp everything will be ok. edited for grammar. Last edited on Wed Jun 4th, 2008 03:33 pm by sadlerford |
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FRL88 Member
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1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1 -- You believe in Santa Claus. 2 -- You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3 -- You are Santa Claus. 4 -- You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . .not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . .having friends. At age 17 success is . .having a driver's license. At age 35 success is . .having money. At age 50 success is . .having money. At age 70 success is . .having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . .having friends. At age 80 success is . .not peeing in your pants. Last edited on Wed Jul 2nd, 2008 12:27 am by FRL88 |
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Deaglos Member 
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Rdnckgirl1973 Moderator
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I hope I can get all this Diet Coke off the screen efore it messes up my computer!LOL
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